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The best of the best: we count down 15 funny band names that are sure to tickle your fancy

Disclaimer: This list is by no means definitive, accurate, numerical or at all relevant to anything. We hold no responsibility for any barneys or blues that may erupt over the ensuing discussions brought on by this piece.

Since we last checked there was a whole bunch of people living on planet earth, most of them with a cracking sense of humour. We’re simply trying to shed some light on a few pearlers. Enjoy.

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Just how insane can the name of your act be? Join us as we count down 15 funny band names that took ridiculous to a new level.

Suss Cunts

Suss Cunts are a self-described ‘suss’ band from Melbourne. This delightfully raucous all-female trio are here to laugh in the face of male domination while having a rollicking good time.

The name sparked from a running joke between bassist Helena and guitarist/singer Nina from their years in hospitality. With songs like Get Laid, Sweater Vest and Anaemic Boyfriend they are the loud voice for anyone who’s met a Suss Cunt.

Let’s Get Out Of This Terrible Sandwich Shop

Let’s face it, we’ve all had this experience. The one where you’re on a road trip and you begin to get a hunger on, you’re fangin’ down the Pacific Highway somewhere near Telegraph Point and you spot a little milko, bakery or… a sandwich shop. Hunger pangs subside at the thought of the imminent delivery of food.

Inside there’s some tomato, soggy lettuce, cheese slices and an ecstatic colony of flies hovering around the Mrs Mac’s pie oven. You grab a strawberry OAK and hightail it out of there because what else can you do? We can only assume that this Chicago based band is dedicated to all of us who never got the sandwich of their dreams.
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Kiss The Anus Of A Black Cat

Well, um, sure? Based in Ghent, Belgium you’ll generally find this band in the darkwave, gothic or neo-folk sections of your record store.

They’ve been actively releasing music since 2005, gaining a growing level of popularity with their well composed and eccentric tunes, even if their name does remind you of the translated version of that one thing that guy yelled at you while crossing the road in Brussels you didn’t understand but knew was an insult.

The Birds Are Spies, They Report To The Trees

Formed in Oslo/Trondheim in Norway, they gave us only three short years from 2004-2007, though they seem to have an oddly active, if sporadic Facebook page. What we are thankful for is they gave us a name that encompasses humankind’s greatest fear that we are being watched, that nature knows to much.

Seems fitting this all-encompassing paranoia should arrive in the affectionate genre of emocore.

Midget Handjob

There’s something about this name. Maybe it’s the visual aspect; maybe it’s the connotation that it’s not in fact a small person giving a hand job but, rather, a short-lived sensual experience. Or maybe it’s the fact that they had some punk credentials to their name through member Keith Morris (ex Black Flag and Circle Jerks).

All we know is they dropped just one album in 2000 called Midnight Snack Break At The Poodle Factory and that’s it for us.

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Rainbow Butt Monkeys

Hailing from Canada, they released one album Letters From Chutney as a collective with a penchant for technicolour primates. The winds of a name change flew through after new management took over and they became Finger Eleven, a successful rock band, most notably for their song Paralyzer.

Some have even said they took music seriously.
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Satan’s Almighty Penis

1999, Cedar Rapids, USA. Satan stopped by Syntax A and Lord Sardonyxs’ rehearsal. The two at the time were budding black metal ragers without a name. Satan felt the two were just the right messengers to reveal to the world that he was in fact stacked.

Alternatively a statement on the bands website reads:

“Our band name has no history or meaning. It’s purpose is to offend and shock so that it remains burnt into the memory of anyone who encounters it. We believe that it represents our insidious music perfectly.”

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Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start

For all the old school Konami gaming fans out there this might be a contentious reveal. Konami programmers would often hide ‘cheat codes’ to help make gameplay easier, the above sequence was a common reoccurrence so it was bequeathed the title of ‘The Konami Code’ (which is actually not a bad band name).

This possibly says a lot about the New Jersey band that were last active in 2008, though they were a self-deprecating and aware bunch, releasing and album in 2007 titled Worst Band Name Ever.

TISM

This Is Serious Mum (TISM) are what some might call a band, others might call an iconic Australian watermark. This ragtag group of seven anonymous, loveable weirdos formed in 1982 and since then have delivered such gems as (He’ll Never Be An) Old Man River, Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me, Honk If You Love Fred Durst, Greg! The Stop Sign!! and who could forget Would The Last Person To Leave Please Turn Out The Enlightenment.

The band’s renegade antics and general disinterest in the music industry proved that music should be for oneself and to be enjoyed wildly. Or something like that.

Machine Gun Fellatio

A much loved Australian band formed way back in 1997 that was all about nudity, light bondage gear and implied sexual activity. We’re guessing that due to the lack of guns in Australia, the reference was related to a rapid-fire aural experience.

Filled with the likes of Chit Chat Von Loopin Stab, Bryan Ferrysexual, Feyonce, LoveShark and Pinky Beecroft, the band pushed the envelope of taste with catchy songs while ultimately making us laugh along the way. Dearly departed in 2005, we will miss thee.

Butthole Surfers

The story goes that this band was consistently changing their name but they had a song called Butthole Surfer. At an early concert the person introducing them forgot their name and improvised The Butthole Surfers. The rest is, as they say, possibly unconfirmed history.

Forming in San Antonio, Texas in the late ‘70s they’ve been around in one form or another ever since, aside from a current hiatus. One of the few bands on the list that went on to achieve successful longevity, garnering a loyal following and touring the world. Ultimately though it comes down to that name and the exceedingly visual implications that follow after saying it out loud.
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Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Abnormally Premature Aardvarks

Not a whole lot can be found out on this band except that they released at least one record. It was 1967 and the serious question arose one totally sober night as to why no one was thinking of the Aardvarks, particularly the potentially lacklustre, abnormally premature ones.

As far as band names go this might be the pinnacle.
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Chumbawamba

While the name is more ridiculous than funny, this lager-swilling band did give us Tubthumping. In 2012 after a three-decade career they got knocked down, hung up the guitars and haven’t got back up again.

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Don’t even try, really, lest you want to appear like THAT person muttering obscenities at your screen. It’s apparently a made up word relating to some strange disease that contaminates carcasses, making them explode whilst killing everything within a two-kilometre radius.

The band? Well they’re a goregrind band from Mexico of course. The sleeves of their records are apparently banned almost everywhere except Mexico (no we will not be showing any).

Hoobastank

Really? I mean really? At what point do you sit down with your band and unanimously decide on Hoobastank if you plan on making anything other than comedy music. The urban legend goes that the name stems from a high school in-joke revolving around a street sign and the mispronunciation of said street sign.

This means that the band have been laughing at the world as we try and figure out exactly what a stinky hooba smells like. In fairness, while the music is not exactly to our tastes we can admit to their radio friendly nature and tightly composed songs and yes we all remember THAT song. If you don’t here it is:

Honourable Mentions

The First Person To See An Elephant
Congratulations on Your Decision to Become a Pilot
Thirty Odd Foot Of Grunts
Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly
I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch In The House
Bathtub Shitter
Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
Stick Men With Ray Guns
Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger!
Unprovoked Moose Attack
Goo Goo Dolls
Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head
Penis Flytrap
The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza

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January 11, 2017

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